How to Break the Cycle of Stressing About Stress

By Susan David

Do you ever get stressed about stress?

Often when we’re feeling stressed, we pile on additional layers of worry, criticism, and self-judgment (“I shouldn’t be so stressed!” and “All this stress is bad for me”).

Some studies have shown that our perception of stress can have a more negative impact than the original stress itself.

How does emotional agility help with stress?

When I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed, these are some of the things I do…

  1. Go for a walk

​Since I was a child, I have found clarity when walking in nature. These walks cut out the noise and help me to focus and prioritize. I love the words of Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata (see below) and I often remind myself of them.

  1. Treat myself kindly

​Sometimes I speak to myself as if I were a kind friend: “Okay, now Susy-love, what do you need to do about this?” Talking to yourself is far more common than people let on! What kind of self-talk do you use? When I researched Emotional Agility, I discovered that I’m not alone in a very specific kind of self-talk which leans on a very powerful strategy: 3rd person perspective-taking. LeBron James does it, too.

  1. Focus on my key values and goals

​I often put big Post-it notes on the walls of my office with my values and goals written on them. These reminders are something I wrote about in Emotional Agility called environmental cues, which are key in helping people gain new habits and shape behaviors. My Post-its support me to be more values-aligned and to focus on what is important.

  1. Here’s a bonus video that highlights a key question you can ask yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed. 

​What works for you when you’re stressed? What are some small, values-aligned tweaks that might help you to deal with stress effectively?

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Susan David

Susan David, Ph.D. is one of the world’s leading management thinkers and an award-winning Harvard Medical School psychologist. Her TED Talk on the topic of emotional agility has been seen by more than 10 million people. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal and often appears on national radio and television. Learn more.

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